Please try out this exercise. I would love to get feedback about how it works for you.

The object of this exercise is for you to notice when you are being attacked by your Inner Critic during your daily life. In order to do this, plan a time in the middle of the day and before you go to bed to reflect on the previous half day. Pick a time when you will have a few minutes to yourself to reflect and write. Do this for a week. You will be writing on a page with three columns: Situation, Feelings and Body Sensations, Critic messages.

When your time for reflection comes, remember times when you felt bad about yourself and then notice your body sensations and the related Critic messages, just as you did in the previous exercise. Write them down on the page.  Here is an example:

After you write down each message, remember that they aren’t necessarily true. They are attacks from your Critic, and they certainly aren’t helpful when they come in such a harsh way.

I find that my clients progress much more quickly in therapy if they understand the IFS Model. So whenever I start with a new client, I lend them my IFS book, Self-Therapy, to read for a few weeks. I tell them that they can either return it to me or purchase it from me if they like. Before I wrote my book, I did this with Dick Schwartz’s intro book for clients. I bought his book in bulk, lent it to interested clients, and gave them the same choice.

I encourage you to do the same, and I am offering my IFS book at a large discount if you buy it in bulk, 10 copies or more. In addition, when you purchase in bulk, you also receive a free IFS card deck, which can be very useful in explaining the IFS model to clients. See http://www.personal-growth-programs.com/ifs-book for details on Self-Therapy. At the bottom of that page is a link for bulk purchasing.

Inner Critic Telephone Class for Women
Led by Bonnie Weiss
Mondays 4:45-6:45pm (7:45-9:45pm eastern)
April 12 – May 17
Cost: $210

Click here to enroll in the class.

Inner conflict is a major issue for most of us. When you have a hard time making a decision, it is because two (or more) parts of you are polarized about that choice. When you have difficult with self-discipline, it is because of a polarization between the part that wants to do the discipline and the part that doesn’t. The same applies to dealing with eating or drinking or addiction issues. Procrastination involves polarization between a part that wants to do the project and a part that wants to avoid it. IFS has a very effective way of working with and resolving polarization and creating inner harmony, which will be taught in this telephone class.

This class requires that you have already taken our Basic IFS Class or have an equivalent knowledge of IFS.

IFS Polarization Class
Led by Bonnie Weiss
Wednesdays 4:30-6:30pm pacific (7:30-9:30pm eastern)
April 7, 14, 21, May 5
Cost: $140

Click here to enroll in the class.

Your Inner Critic really has a positive intent for you. It is trying to protect you from pain, though it often does this in a distorted, destructive way. In order to get to know your Inner Critic and find out its positive intent, you must be open to it rather than fighting it. In IFS terminology, this means you must be in Self. Here is how to achieve this.

Check to see how you feel toward the Inner Critic part. If you are feeling curiosity, openness, compassion, or the like, then you are in Self and you can proceed to get to know the Critic. If not, you are probably blended with one of these four Concerned Parts. These parts are not Self because they have a negative attitude toward the Critic. They won’t be helpful in transforming the Critic.

a. Wary Part. Wary of the Critic. Afraid that it will do damage if you engage with it.
Validate that fear because the Critic has done a lot of damage.
However, assure the Wary Part that you won’t let the Critic take over and harm you or the exile.
Explain that you are going to get to know the Critic from Self and you are strong.
Remind it that the Critic has a positive intent, so you can connect with it and help transform it.
Ask it to step aside so you can do that. Read the rest of this entry »