Jeanette had a bad case of low self-esteem. Even when she was a child, all her teachers were puzzled by this. She was smart and musically gifted but had absolutely no confidence. She never auditioned for the orchestra or for school plays even when she was encouraged to do so. As she got older and this pattern continued, she ended up holding minimal jobs that didn’t come close to tapping her native talents. She just assumed that she wouldn’t amount to anything. Every time she had an inclination to reach out and try something challenging, she experienced a sinking feeling in her chest and a gray cloud descended on her, so she gave up on the idea.

One afternoon Jeanette’s friend Lynn was having a very bad day; she complained to Jeanette of heaviness in her heart. Lynn was talking about a critical voice that she heard inside of her. Suddenly something clicked with Jeanette; she realized that she recognized the voice her friend was describing. It lived inside her, too! It was saying critical things like: “You aren’t any good. You can’t do it. Don’t even try.” She had always just assumed that this was the truth about her. She had never viewed these harmful messages as coming from a separate part of her psyche. She recalled how she longed to try out for high school musicals but this other voice spoke so forcefully that she didn’t dare.

This was Jeannette’s Inner Critic. Since she hadn’t been consciously aware of it until that moment, she had no way to communicate with it. She saw no way to confront the source of her negative beliefs about herself.

When Jeanette became aware of how her Critic was tearing her down and ruining her life, her natural response was to get angry at it and want to get rid of it. If she had turned to conventional therapy, she might have been encouraged to overcome it. She would have seen it as the enemy. However this approach wouldn’t have been very effective because when we battle with the Inner Critic, it just becomes more entrenched.

Jeanette started IFS therapy with Bonnie, exploring her psyche and gradually getting to know her Inner Critic.  To her amazement, she discovered that this part was actually trying to help her. Even though it was causing hopelessness and depression, it was doing this in a distorted attempt to protect her. The Inner Critic is an IFS protector. It wanted to keep her safe from failure and humiliation, and it figured that the best way to do so was to prevent her from ever trying anything difficult. It accomplished this by constantly judging and discouraging her.

Once Jeanette realized that her Critic was trying to help her, her anger melted and she began to understand it and treat it more kindly. (In IFS, you never have to fight with a part or try to get rid of it. You can gradually develop a trusting relationship with it and help it to relate to you more constructively.) As Jeanette developed a friendlier attitude toward her Critic, it became more reasonable and was willing to negotiate about the best way to protect her.

Exploring further, Jeanette discovered another part of her that received the negative messages from the Critic. This was a young child part who believed these judgments and felt worthless, defeated, and hopeless. We call this part the Criticized Child.

It is an IFS exile. Jeanette learned that she could also relate to this part. She befriended it from a place of love and compassion.

Then, using the IFS procedure, she accessed those childhood memories that were the origin of her Inner Critic,  memories of being judged and dismissed and made to feel worthless. The Criticized Child is the exiled part who was hurt by those judgments. Jeanette then healed this Child through her love and helped it to release its feelings of shame and worthlessness.  Her Critic then receded into the background and caused less trouble in her life.

In addition, as a result of this work, Jeanette discovered a helpful aspect of herself, one that we call the Inner Champion. It has the capacity to support and encourage us in the face of Inner Critic attacks. Jeanette was able to develop and strengthen this caring Champion which only wanted the best for her. It told her that she had a lot of talent and could accomplish great things in the world. She learned to evoke it when necessary and take in its support.

Her Champion said, “You are OK just the way you are. You can do it. I’m proud of you.” This helped Jeanette to take the risk to develop her musical talent and go to auditions. At long last, she moved ahead professionally in a career that she really loved. As her Inner Champion took over for her Inner Critic, she became happier and self-confident enough to pursue her dreams.

Transform Your Critic – Learn how to explore your Inner Critic and transform it using Internal Family Systems Therapy, a new cutting-edge method. Self-esteem is your birthright! Learn a step-by-step method for transforming your Inner Critic.  Read our book, Self-Therapy for Your Inner Critic.

We have identified seven types of Critics with different motivations and strategies for controlling you.  Take a Questionnaire to determine which of the seven types of Critics may be a problem for you. For each Critic type, you can read a report that describes that type of Critic and gives a brief idea of how to begin transforming it.

For more information, see the Inner Critic section of our website http://www.personal-growth-programs.com/index.php/inner-critic-section