Inner Critic Workshops for Women
Over the years I have worked with hundred’s of women on deeply personal issues related to self-esteem. These women sought counseling in an effort to have a coherent, meaningful life and to fulfill their potential for satisfaction and happiness. Four years ago, I went through a period of time when I was seeing a number of impressive women. They were gifted with a variety of capacities—intellectual acuity, musical talent, personality, inner and outer beauty. Despite that, the common thread that kept jumping out at me was their self-doubt and self-hate. 

I imagined that if I could put them in the same room—to see and reflect each other—they would sense their similar conundrum and be able to gain some perspective on it. As a therapist I had helped people work with their “superegos” for many years. But for this group,  the concept of the “Inner Critic” seemed more appropriate. They were constantly being harassed by a demeaning critical voice. If they had a great job that sucked up all their time and energy, they were criticized for not having a fabulous boyfriend. If they decided to stay home with their children, they were overcome with feelings of deficiency when their sisters had careers.  If they were radiantly beautiful, they were never satisfied with their bodies. If they were bright and articulate, they were worried about their looks or professional competition.

I wanted to help them find an antidote to these nattering voices. The image that surfaced was an exuberant chorus of women’s voices standing around them, saying words that took away the power of the critic. I set out to design a process the allowed each women to separate from her critic and find her own personal mantra of love, assurance. and support. With that, I decided to bring them together in the first Inner Critic Workshop for women in 2006.

Birth of the Inner Champion
As the workshop date got closer, I personally had a difficult professional moment. I made a thoughtless comment that I thought had serious consequences for a client. As it turns out my actions were not the cause of her difficulties, but there were a few weeks where I was being extremely hard on myself. I was flying to NY, planning the workshop, and ironically struggling with how to quiet my own Inner Critic, a demonic guilt-tripper.

The methods I has used in the past—confronting it, separating from it, or justifying myself to it—were not working. It felt like I needed bigger guns—more power and capacity.  I had an image of a personal guide that loved me and supported me. This guide, which is an aspect of me, had the capacity to stand up to my Inner Critic and get it to give me some space, so I could think and regain my center. It had the perspective to see the entirety of who I was, not just a moment of lapse. It was able to comfort and nurture the child part of me that was taking the brunt of the criticism. And, it had a practical ability to develop a clear action plan for the steps to take to make sure my client was OK.

And so the Inner Champion was born. The Inner Champion can be developed and cultivated to be a vibrant resource in your psyche. It nurtures and cares for you and takes charge of your inner life and actions. For those of you who know IFS, we see the Inner Champion as an aspect of the Self which is active, focused and provides a specific kind of help with the Inner Critic.