The revolution in gender roles over the past 40 years has blasted open expectations for both men and women. We have faced not only brand-new vistas but also challenges to deeply held beliefs about the roles we can play and the satisfactions we are allowed. Women can now see themselves exerting their strength and influence in previously unimagined arenas-corporate boardrooms, public policy debates, medical establishments, law firms, and political seats of power. They are now allowed to tap into their desire for authority and power and not be ashamed of leading and being competent. Read the rest of this entry »

Our Inner Critics are trying to perform a function that is necessary in our psyches. We all need the ability to look at ourselves realistically to see how we could change and improve. We want to be aware of the ways we act that don’t align with our values. We need to be able to see when we are hurting someone unnecessarily or when we aren’t working to our potential. We must recognize when we are doing something dangerous or compromising to our health, when we are being shortsighted because of a need for immediate gratification. The problem is that the Inner Critic performs this function in a way that undermines our self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes it criticizes us in ways that are simply false and totally unnecessary. However, there are times when there is a grain of truth in the judgments of our Critic, or even when a judgment contains wisdom we have been ignoring. In these cases, the problem isn’t the content of the Critic’s judgment but rather the harsh, nasty, condemning way it is delivered. The message doesn’t have to be expressed this way; there is another option. Read the rest of this entry »

The Inner Champion is an aspect of your Self that supports you and helps you to feel good about yourself. It encourages you to be who you truly are rather than fitting into the box your Inner Critic creates for you. It is a magic bullet for dealing with the negative impacts of your Inner Critic. One way to think about your Inner Champion is that it is the ideal supportive parent that we always wished we had. It is an aspect of the IFS Self that responds in a helpful way to Inner Critic messages. This article will help you get in touch with your Champion so you can evoke it when you need it in the face of an Inner Critic attack. Read the rest of this entry »

We have previously presented the seven types of Inner Critic parts that we have identified. Below is a brief summary. Then we discuss how each type is actually trying to help and protect you in its own distorted fashion. Knowing this is very helpful in working with your Critic.

Perfectionist
The Perfectionist tries to get you to do everything perfectly. This part has very high standards for behavior, performance, and production. It attacks you when you don’t meet them by saying that your work or behavior isn’t good enough. This makes it hard to finish projects. Sometimes it even makes it hard to get started, as with writer’s block. Read the rest of this entry »

I received the following response from Karen Olsen to the draft of a chapter she was reading on the Perfectionist Critic.

I am wondering if there is a slightly different sort of Perfectionist than those which you have developed in your chapter. After going through your exercises, I came to the conclusion that it is not so much that my critic is yelling at me and belittling me as it is that there is a fear of and a huge resistance to appearing to be, to exposing myself to be….. less than special and exceptional.

Remembering back to my childhood, I don’t remember not being able to get approval from either my parents or other adults in my life. What I remember is that I was always an exceptional student and that I felt special and that I became very attached to feeling special. “Feeling special” is probably entwined all through my sense of identity. Read the rest of this entry »