Here is another article about a pattern from the Pattern System^SM. It tells the story of someone with the pattern and how they worked it through and developed the Self-Interst Capacity.

The Caretaking Pattern

If you have the Caretaking Pattern, you are caring and compassionate toward others, but often at the expense of your own needs or desires. If you have this pattern strongly, you will find yourself literally taking care of others, financially, logistically, and emotionally. At some level, though, your caring comes with some strings attached. You have a deep desire to be appreciated for all that you give to others, rather than giving without any thought of attention being returned. You may be aware of hoping that people will care more for you and give you their time and attention in return for your efforts. Read the rest of this entry »

This article is one of a series on the Pattern System, a way of understanding personality that looks at the various parts of your psyche rather than your personality as a whole. Each article focuses on a specific personality pattern. This one highlights the Procrastination Pattern.

Read over the following statements to see if they apply to you under some circumstances:

• I avoid taking actions that I know are needed
• I can’t get my priorities clear or make decisions that would allow me to take action
• I put off making needed changes in my life
• I get stuck in the middle of a project and let it slide
• I get distracted and forget about something that has to be done
• I avoid doing certain things that involve risk or putting myself out publicly
• I spend my time thinking, planning, or daydreaming but I don’t actually take action
• I spend my time relaxing and enjoying myself rather than doing something important
• There is something I really want to do, but I never get around to it
• I start on a practice of discipline or self-care, but I don’t stick with it.
• I miss a deadline for a project at work (or school) or stay up all night to get it finished
• I don’t carry thru on something I have committed to do Read the rest of this entry »

The Pattern System contains ten interpersonal dimensions, each of which describes a certain aspect of human relating. Each dimension contains both problematic patterns of relating and healthy capacities. By exploring a dimension, you can determine what your strengths and problems are in that area, so you know what issues to work on and what capacities you want to develop. Read the rest of this entry »

Passive Aggressive Pattern Description

If you have the Passive Aggressive Pattern, you tend to act in a way that looks like you are agreeable and pleasing, on the surface, but in the end your behavior either hurts people or frustrates them. You may only be aware of your surface desire to please people. You may even realize that you’re afraid of not pleasing someone, especially your partner.

The clue to help you realize if you have this pattern is when people you are close to regularly get frustrated with you or feel hurt by you. You may feel wronged when this happens. You may even say to yourself, “I’m doing my best to be nice and agreeable, but my partner doesn’t seem to get this. She keeps getting on my case for doing things that upset her. But I don’t have any idea what she is talking about.”

If you have a Passive Aggressive Pattern, there is an unconscious part of you that is resentful and perhaps defiant. This part is irritated at how much you kowtow to what your partner wants. Or it may be angry at her for things she said that resulted in your feeling undervalued or unappreciated. But you don’t feel that you have any right to be angry or defiant, so it all goes underground in your consciousness. You act in seemingly agreeable ways, but you add a little mean twist to your behavior that frustrates your partner. Read the rest of this entry »

You have probably been reading the articles and stories I have been sending out over the last six months on various patterns, capacities, and dimensions in the Pattern System. Now I will be offering a six-week class that will cover the major interpersonal dimensions.

The Pattern System is a systematic way of understanding your personality in a way that can lead directly to psychological healing and personal growth. It also helps you to understand other people-why they respond as they do, what makes them tick. It gives you a much more detailed understanding of yourself than other personality systems. Read the rest of this entry »