IFS recognizes that a protector can’t fully let go and transform until the exile(s) that it protects have been accessed and unburdened. However, there are situations where it isn’t practical to do this right away. Then you can connect with the protector from Self and negotiate with it to allow you to take the lead in a difficult situation in your life where this protector normally takes over and causes problems. This means that you can change your attitudes and behavior in some situations even before the underlying exile has been healed. Here’s how to do this with an Inner Critic protector:

First make a connection with the Critic but understanding what it is trying to do for you and appreciating its efforts. Then it will be possible for it to cooperate with you and learn a different way to respond when a situation triggers it. You can learn to negotiate with it to allow you to lead whenever such a situation arises. Explain that Self can handle this situation and make this decision. The Critic doesn’t have to be extreme about it. The Critic became extreme because it was dealing with a dangerous and harmful situation in childhood, and it believes that this is happening again. Furthermore, there wasn’t a Self there to help back then, and the Critic hasn’t realized that you have a Self available to help now. Or maybe your Self hasn’t been fully available. But now that you are doing this IFS work, your Self has been accessed and can help. And now that the Self and the Critic are connected, the Critic is more likely to listen to the Self and trust what the Self is saying.

In childhood, you were attacked or rejected or shame for some reason. However, from the place of Self, you can explain to the Critic that the current situation is very different from what happened in childhood. You are no longer vulnerable and dependent. You are no longer under the power of your parents. You have many strengths and capacities now as an adult (and possibly because of previous work you have done on yourself) that you didn’t have as a child. You have already accomplished many things in your life and overcome various obstacles. You are an adult with much more ability to handle yourself.  You have friends and other support systems now. You have people you can turn to if necessary.

This means that you aren’t in danger the way you were as a child, and you are there as Self, which wasn’t possible when you were little. Therefore, the Critic can relax and allow you to handle things. You can explain this to the Critic and ask it to trust you and work with you.