The following is a sequence of steps for working with polarization, which is an elaboration of the procedure developed by Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS. These are the basis for my newly published book Resolving Inner Conflict.

1. Recognize and identify the polarized parts.
2. Unblend from each part in order to access Self.
1. Hold each part in consciousness at the same time.
2. Ask each part to step aside in order to get to know the other part.
3. Reassure each part that the Self will get to know it, too, and won’t let the other part take over.
3. Get to know each part’s role, positive intent, and conflict with the other part.
1. Unblend from any Concerned Parts.
2. Find out what the part is trying to do for the client.
3. Find out how the part feels toward the polarized part and how it counters it.
4. Develop a trusting relationship with each part.
4. Decide whether to work with an exile or engage in a depolarization dialogue.
5. Get permission from each part to have a depolarization dialogue with the other part under the guidance of Self.
1. Reassure each part that Self won’t allow the other part to take over or attack.
6. Begin the depolarization dialogue.
1. Decide whether to do it internally or externally.
2. Each part states its position and responds to the other.
3. Continue until the positions and conflict are clear.
7. Facilitate true dialogue and resolution.
1. Each part reveals the exile it is protecting.
2. Each part listens to the other’s concerns and fears and responds accordingly.
3. Either part, the Self, or the therapist suggests a resolution.
4. Each part considers the potential resolution and brings up concerns and suggestions for improving it.
5. The parts negotiate with each other and Self in order to come to a resolution they can both agree to.

There is currently an opening in my IFS/Interactive Therapy Group.
Thursdays 7:30-9:30 pm
Three times a month
Mill Valley
Cost: $50/session sliding scale
For more information or to join, call Jay at 415-924-5256.

This group combines the IFS and Interactive modalities.

In this group, regardless of modality, you can share your life issues and struggles and get help from the group. You see other people struggling with problems which may be similar to yours, and through this you learn about yourself and others. There is a strong sense of support for each person and a warm feeling of community in the group. Read the rest of this entry »

Polarization is an important concept in Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), developed by pioneering psychologist Richard Schwartz. Polarization shows how to understand inner conflict as a battle between two parts. IFS has an excellent method for working with these parts to resolve the conflict.

I have just published a book on polarization which spells out Schwartz’s ideas in detail for therapists to use in their work. Here is an excerpt from the first chapter of Resolving Inner Conflict.

Polarization is often about a specific action or decision, such as the amount of work for Bill to put in. Two parts are at odds over how a client should act. Neither is willing to release its extreme role unless the other part has also released its role. Each fears that if it lets go, the other part will take over and cause serious problems. Therefore, you have to work them both to make it possible for them to shift. Read the rest of this entry »

If you or your partner has a tendency to avoid intimacy while in a love relationship, this is the Intimacy Avoiding Pattern in the Pattern System. Below are a number of ways that this might play out in your relationship. In the descriptions, I refer to various other patterns from the Pattern System. You can get more information on these and other patterns at http://thepatternsystem.wikispaces.com.

Withdrawing. You are intimate with your partner much of the time, but when your partner does something that hurts you; you pull away and close them out. You harden your heart as a way of protecting yourself, and it is sometimes difficult to open up again. If you do eventually open up, as soon as you get hurt again, you withdraw and close off. This may involve the Emotionally Closed Pattern or the Conflict Avoiding Pattern. Read the rest of this entry »

Here is another article about a pattern from the Pattern System^SM. It tells the story of someone with the pattern and how they worked it through and developed the Self-Interst Capacity.

The Caretaking Pattern

If you have the Caretaking Pattern, you are caring and compassionate toward others, but often at the expense of your own needs or desires. If you have this pattern strongly, you will find yourself literally taking care of others, financially, logistically, and emotionally. At some level, though, your caring comes with some strings attached. You have a deep desire to be appreciated for all that you give to others, rather than giving without any thought of attention being returned. You may be aware of hoping that people will care more for you and give you their time and attention in return for your efforts. Read the rest of this entry »