Our Inner Critics are trying to perform a function that is necessary in our psyches. We all need the ability to look at ourselves realistically to see how we could change and improve. We want to be aware of the ways we act that don’t align with our values. We need to be able to see when we are hurting someone unnecessarily or when we aren’t working to our potential. We must recognize when we are doing something dangerous or compromising to our health, when we are being shortsighted because of a need for immediate gratification. The problem is that the Inner Critic performs this function in a way that undermines our self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes it criticizes us in ways that are simply false and totally unnecessary. However, there are times when there is a grain of truth in the judgments of our Critic, or even when a judgment contains wisdom we have been ignoring. In these cases, the problem isn’t the content of the Critic’s judgment but rather the harsh, nasty, condemning way it is delivered. The message doesn’t have to be expressed this way; there is another option.

It is possible to have a gentler and wiser voice inside that we call the Inner Mentor. This is really a healthy version of the Critic. It performs this necessary function in our psyches in a positive way, whereas the Critic does it in a destructive way.

Let’s see how this might work by looking at an example. Suppose you are a parent, and your child doesn’t clean up his room the way you asked him to. If you act like an Inner Critic, you might say in a harsh, loud voice, “What a mess! You’re so dumb. Can’t you do anything right?” However, if you instead act like an Inner Mentor, you might say in a kindly, supportive voice, “Honey, that’s not quite what I was looking for. Let me show you how to clean up a room. Let’s do it together.”

Your Inner Mentor can treat you with love and acceptance. It can also help you be clear about how you acted that wasn’t aligned with who you want to be, and it will help you take action to remedy the situation.

You need both your Inner Mentor and your Inner Champion in order to feel good about yourself and function well. They naturally and easily work together. For example, suppose you lost it and yelled at your daughter, making her upset.  A Guilt Tripper Inner Critic might castigate you, saying, “You are a horrible parent. How could you do that terrible thing to her? And you’ve done it so many times before. You don’t deserve to have such a wonderful child. You are ruining her life. You should be shot!” Your Inner Champion might say, “I know you’re really a good mother. Everyone gets angry occasionally. You really love her and want the best for her. Pick up the pieces and move on from here.” This is the support you need, especially in the face of an attack from your Guilt Tripper.

However, this isn’t all you need. You also need a constructive voice to help you look at what went wrong and what you can do about it. Your Inner Mentor might say, “I know that’s not the way you want to treat your daughter, because you love her. Let’s see what you can do to keep this from happening again. Your life has been very stressful lately, and you need to take better care of yourself. You could notice when you are starting to get angry with her and remember not to take it out on her. You could explore what’s behind your anger, which may have nothing to do with her. You could take a brief time-out when you find yourself starting to lose control.” Your Inner Mentor would say this in a kindly, helpful manner, without judgment.

So you can see that the Inner Champion and Inner Mentor are a great pair. They each supply something important. They each support a key healthy capacity in you. The Inner Champion supports your capacity for self-esteem, and the Inner Mentor supports your capacity for self-improvement.